Here we are. This is me. There's nowhere in the world I'd rather- *gets slapped*
Seriously though, we made it. Sorry for the late night post, since wifi ran out at the loft I'm blogging on mobile data in bed. No spellcheck either so this is going to be raw. Anyway though... My plans for the next 30 days...
Get better sleep for one. Play the catch up game with university as well. Master the trumpet. Make a conscious effort to clean my floors more often. Sitting in bed with no concrete plans for the next month is a weird thing to do... I'll probably give it a break, then start on a new challenge. I might even just get my shit together. Try to become that person I want to be at age 29. But most of all...
For the next thirty days, and well beyond that, I wanna live as me.
So I know I promised you guys some gossip and I guess this is as good a way as any to do it, but yeah, for those who were wondering...
I am bisexual.
If I get an inbox full of messages congratulating me on coming out again, I will freak.
I guess I just want it to start being something that's akin to saying, "I like the colour blue". Well it'd be more like saying "I like both blue and red, but just because I might paint the outside of my house red one day, doesn't mean I'll stop liking blue".
I watched Shane Dawson's coming out (hate this term with a passion) video probably right as I was trying to tell my best friends and it sent me into a sort of moment, like, if he could say that to millions of people... Why couldn't I say it to the five people who I trusted most... After which I texted them a long message because face to face confessions scare the living daylights out of me. And I told my parents, and today I said it to someone in person, and it felt good, and I made a solid argument for why Paul Wesley is better looking than Ian Somerhalder. It's been something I never dealt with because I never needed to deal with it. I had some fucked up reasoning like, I knew I was attracted to girls and therefore I had to be straight. In primary school being called a moffie or a faggot were like the ultimate insults. As a hockey player, you always wanna prove your as masculine as the rugby players, that it's not just mofstok. And you know, as I got older, I thought I just had the ability to know whether a guy was hot or not, just because I knew which features were attractive or whatever. And trust me, that's a great thing to have, straight guys, the world will thank you for it if you can get the cork out of your ass long enough to realise that real life isn't prison and no one but the corporate entity posing as your government wants to fuck you in the ass. But then you know, as one does, I had like a list of guys I'd go queer for after I got into that question with someone... Which is now embarrassing long. But somewhere around there I realised, fuck, I like dudes too. And I guess that's my story. It's not particularly great. But hopefully it's important to someone.
Now I'm going to get to the political agenda of this post :3
Buzzfeed did a video on it a while back, it's a great one, and I think we need to talk about bi-erasure for a second.
Bisexuality isn't a phase, or confusion. We need to stop assuming that sexuality is a binary thing. Some people dislike the term, and especially in the LGTB circles because many people who identify as bi aren't only attracted to men or women, but non-binary genders as well. For me, it describes attraction to the far left and far right of the gender spectrum, and can encompass however much or however little you need it to. I know I'm attracted to several transgender men and women, or as I like to sometimes call them, men and women, as well as cisgender men and women.
Lastly... There was a point a lot of you thought I had come out, and I mean... My question is, I haven't spoken to some of you in months, years even... Why do you even care? And it sort of just... Shoved me back. And usually I'm not bothered by people assuming I'm gay, let's face it, I can be really gay when I want to (thank you, Brian)... But by at the time, people assuming this felt like half my sexual identity was being disgarded, devalued, ignored. I wasn't out to prove I was straight or anything afterwards, but I didn't exactly say "No, I'm not gay but you're kinda right..."
And that fucked me up for a while.
But either way, here I am. And dude friends, if you were wondering, no, unless you're Stephen Amell, get over yourselves, I don't even look at you twice. Duh. I'm obviously not attracted to every guy on the planet simultaneously.
Other than that... Thanks for this. Really, the support has been overwhelming, nearly 700 views on a blog in a month, which is insane. To put it in perspective, I've had my short story blog for nearly a year now, and even though I didn't post on it all that much, in a month, this blog has overtaken it in views. Which I think means we're all really gossipy bitches inside but oh well. So a massive freaking thank you to everyone who still reads blogs like it's 2004, like, guys, do your internet connections still have a dial tone? You know I love you though. Thanks for just reading, even if you don't know me that well, or we became friends because of that one post I commented on and voiced my opinion and it wasn't utter garbage for once. And a massive, massive thank you to my friends who supported me, to my parents and to everyone who will now go "I fucking knew it!", I'm so glad that your powers of deduction are on point. Your train of thought is too fast for me, Sherlock. Otherwise... Yeah. I'll still be here. Trolling the internet. You haven't heard the last of Matthew Matt-Dave "Obama" RagnarockerBunny David Stevens, the bisexual atheist metalhead blogger, and hopefully we'll talk again kiddos.
See you soon, Space Cowboy.
