Day 09: If I could start my life over

Everyone piles up mistakes and you (hopefully) learn and grow from them. But what if you got to do it all again, knowing then what you know now?

I'd enjoy my childhood more. Build many more Lego towers before I let them all collapse to build something else. Marry more power rangers and transformers action figures. And watch out for other weird 90s anime licensed for public broadcast television.

I'd also engage in the biggest loves of my life earlier. Hockey and programming, and I'd find tutors to push me over the edge, and learn to play guitar at a young age, so that I'd master it by the time I turned 20.

I'd read more books. I only really started becoming a bookworm around the seventh grade and I regret not finishing more books as a kid, to really solidify my love of reading in those early years. So more novels, and I'd definitely have read Harry Potter much sooner.

I'd put myself out there more. I was kind of in my shell in highschool and when dating, I haven't been the best at making the first move. So that's what I'd do.

I'd treasure my friends more, even the ones I know will leave me soon after, and tell them how awesomesauce they are before they're too far out of my life.

And I'd probably boop my sister on the nose a lot more.

But that's just my if only. Instead, I think it's better to focus on what I can do right now.

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Day 08: One Of My Favourite TV Shows

While I wanna save the meat of this for a review I'll do later down the line, 2018's Devilman Crybaby was the anime that got me to come back to anime.

The art style is slick, the soundtrack is a wonderful synthwave trip, the themes are dark and violent but it also doubles as a sports anime.

What can I say, it touched me in all the right places.

And then it dumped me down a rabbit hole of old OVAs, a 70s television adaptation, a decades long manga and a crossover with Go Nagai's Cyborg 009 that's way better than it has any right to be.

If you're a fan of Berserk, this is one anime you shouldn't miss. It can be sexy, violent, crazy, colourful, strange and just a plain old good time.

Until it fucks your emotions up.

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Day 07: The Next 10 Years

The future is kind of crazy. You never really end up where you think you're going to but it's kind of nice to see compare where you are to where you thought you'd be.

So, 2028, what's that like?

Degree, car, apartment, decent salary is a given. I wanna be entirely independent before age 29. Ideally with a partner I adore, or several, I'm down for trying poly.

I'm either living in Pretoria having tried living abroad and finding that I still love my city, or living abroad. Thailand, London, Japan, Canada, somewhere new and exciting.

I've been blogging for years now and I'm kind of a respectable writer. Sure, I might not be the most influential figure in the world, but I'm known enough to have some sway over things.

My steam library? Oh God, the epitome of hundreds of games but nothing to play. It's a nightmare. But that's nothing compared to my collection of old game consoles. What a nightmare that is. Oh, co-habitation will be hard. Still, I do love having this stuff.

Been a regular goer of the local pride festival. And it's always been a blast.

And I'm doing good. All the worries of the past seem trivial now. I did the work and did the suffering and ended up a better, stronger person for it. A part of me never thought I'd make it but I did. And that's the most important thing, that I make it and that when I'm there I can look back and like the life I've lived.

But that's it for today, have yourself a wonderful weekend if you're reading this on a weekend and if not, the weekend will come soon.

Goodbye, for now.

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Day 06: How I Feel Today

Tired.

I meant to get home and do a bit of a feeling dump but my head made contact with pillow and I was out. It's been that kind of a week.

In a couple hours I'm writing another big test so I'm going to try keep it as brief as possible but I'm ready for my June holiday, my god am I ready. Also been waiting to watch season 2 of 13 Reasons Why, and I'll have a review up as soon as I'm done with it.

But yeah, pressure is on, budget is tight, there is too much month at the end of my money, exams are coming up soon and I just don't want to disappoint myself or others again. I feel like I do that a lot and it hurts a little, you know? There's also watching guys I started first year with who graduated this year and it's hard not to feel like I'm behind where I'm supposed to be in life, or like I'm nowhere near as good as they are. Maybe it's the truth, I don't know.

But I've got a lot to be thankful for and I'm glad that I'm already on day 6 and that I'm keeping up with the challenge, even if I'm a bit late with this post. I might make it a yearly thing, just have a month of posts. That might clutter up the feed though so maybe I'll try do 30 Days Of Reviews or something like that for the next one. I also know these posts aren't as popular and I don't market them as much, but I'm writing them more for myself than anyone else. Setting deadlines and challenging myself means I get to build up something and the completion of the challenge is it's own reward.

So until next time, thanks to anyone who sat through this.

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Day 05: How I Take My Coffee

I like my coffee the way I like myself: Strong, sweet, and too hot for most people.

But can I just take a moment to sing the praises of the java bean and all it does for us?

Coffee doesn't ask difficult questions. Coffee doesn't question your motives. Coffee doesn't gatekeep. Coffee doesn't complain about ho unfair it is that it can't use the same racial slurs Kanye can. Coffee doesn't veil insults behind the guise of constructive criticism.

Coffee just understands.

But the non-facetious answer to the the question of how I like my coffee is this: not super strong, about a quarter cup milk, two sugars and after a good night's  sleep on a late Saturday morning with a whole day full of possibilities ahead of me. Or at a table with some of my best friends, talking about our favourite things and joking around so that life doesn't feel so tough. Hell, even late at night when I get a crazy idea to write or for a mechanic during game development.

You know, some of the best cups of coffee I've had haven't been about the coffee itself. But it's been around during the best and worst of times.

So I hope that you, dear reader, get to have an excellent cup of coffee very soon. Or tea, if that's what you fancy. Life can be hard, but imagine living it without something to sip on a cold winter's morning as the frost fogs up the outer glass of your windows.

At least we have that much.

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Day 04: Write A Poem

First Kiss, by Matt-Dave Stevens;

I remember my first kiss.

Not the first kiss I'd ever had

But the first one that really truly mattered

For some people they're one and the same

But my first and first true just weren't on the same date

The first kiss with the first person I wanted to have all my lasts with.

In hindsight it was probably an awkward mess

I had know idea where my tongue or hands or feet should rest

Yet still, the object of my affection stayed invested

And I'd kissed this wonderful person whose presence I'd been blessed with

Hugs and caresses

Septembers and Decembers

Our love was young and new and reckless

Our hearts were wild and restless

But on the February grass one day something grew tame

Sure it was heartbreaking but no one was to blame

Some clouds don't bring rain like some sparks have to fade

But it was great, having a first great

Some don't even get a first good.

It took a while for a great one after that

But we couldn't last either, that's just the facts

One or two more greats and there were only goods left

And then there were only okays left

Maybe I'll find another first I wanna last with

A person to share my future, present and past with

A person I wanna clink every glass with

A person to avoid the February grass with

But if no one is my someone ever again

I won't take it personally, I've had some good friends

I had some great greats, and a couple terribles too

But I'd love for this next one to be the last first.

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Day 03: 10 Things I Hope To Be Remembered For

Everyone leaves a something behind and life is finite and we're all gonna die but everyone also gets an obituary. And hopefully it says something nice. So when I go, here's a few things I wanna be remembered for;

1. My Blog Posts

I'd like to think that over the years I've written at least one or two pieces that weren't utter garbage. Self-depreciation aside, my blog is one of the few things I've created that's mine, truly mine. I write my thoughts and ideas here and I try write things that will end up meaning something to someone, and I hope that by writing these words I get to make the world at least a slightly better place. Hopefully I'll be remembered for a good blog post or two.

2. My weird taste in music

Because you know I know what's good. But to be real, I do want people to remember that I was that guy who liked the weirdest combinations of stuff, because I do. Slam poetry mixed with indie rock? Sign my booty up for a weekly newsletter! Chiptune metalcore? Where can I buy it? Acoustic Dubstep? Please! That's my aesthetic. Vapourwave but the only lyrics are Bojack Horseman quotes?

You know I'm all over that ish.

3. Being A Halfway Decent Friend

I'm kind of a flake, I make stupid jokes, I switch between unbelievably obnoxious nihilism to unreasonable optimism on a moments notice.

But I try.

I do care so much about my friends and I try my best to be there for them. They mean a lot to me. People I'd have been objectively worse off for not knowing. Some have drifted, some stayed, some are new and some are old but I hope they think of me positively.

4. The Weird Topics Of Conversation I Bring Up

I like talking about stupid, irrelevant or otherwise nonsensical things. I've genuinely held a whole conversation with someone about the pressure humans pee at. Talking is fun and the things you talk about should be fun from time to time.

So why make small talk when your talk could be the weirdest and wackiest.

5. My ideas on Game Design

I hope I can contribute a couple great ideas to the field and that I'll someday make a level as overly discussed as Super Mario Bros 1-1. That's the dream, man, that's the dream.

6. My persistence

I may suck at a lot of things but my tolerance for punishment is unrivaled. See, I can suck, but I know how to stick it out until I stop sucking. I'm persistent. I can take a beating.

7. My voice

I love singing and I do it all the time. I'm responsible for many earworms and I hope that when I'm gone, my voice still pops into a couple people's heads from time to time.

8. A Novel

I'm a writer and I want to write a work so good people will have to remember me. A story that moved them.

The trouble of course is getting it written down and edited, but hey, I've got a couple projects halfway there so something is bound to stick.

9. My ideals

I'm not going to claim to be the most virtuous person but I do like to think I'm at the core a halfway decent person. Love for your fellow man, self-love, living as much in the present as you can, taking it a day at a time. I wanna pass the best parts of me on.

10. My unending disdain for pineapple on pizza

If nothing else, remember that I hate pineapple on pizza. So goddamn much. I hate it more than I could hate any one person. It's a crime against all that is good.

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Day 02: 5 Passions I have

Passion is a great thing, you gotta have things you feel strongly about. Something to throw yourself into when nothing else is working. Here are five of mine:

- Game Development

Which is weird, but I've been doing it since I was 13, making crappy games I show my friends. One day I'll have a full one to show people and I've had a project I've been slowly building up as long as I could remember.

- Music!

I love music. Which is general so let me clarify; I love making music. I have an Ibanez guitar, a Stagg Bass, a Pearl drumkit all set up in my room where I make noise and annoy my neighbours.

But I also love listening to music, the more niche the better! Chiptune, Lofi, Trap Metal, Future Bass, Metalcore and the works! But also, I'm not above some dubstep, electropop, pop punk, indie rock, alternative rock and the like.

- Writing!

Writing is fun. I have a whole blog full of writings. You might have heard about it.

Glibness aside, I write lyrics, and poems, and short stories, and I have written a whole novel and writing is just a passion of mine. Filling space with words. I'd prefer to fill them with better words, but you can't win them all.

- Pixel Art

This is a longtime hobby of mine, although most of it is for game development. But any casual glance at my tumblr blog would show what an affinity I have for an 8 bit aesthetic.

- Gaming

And I am a self-identified gamer. I play, I enjoy the culture. Some modern, some retro, mostly indie nowadays. My favourites make for a seperate post but lately I have been enjoying the living hell out of Metal Gear Solid 5 and Reigns

Alright, that's a wrap up on day 2! Starting off strong :)

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Day 01; 10 Things To Tell My 16 Year Old Self

Let me be clear; I was an idiot when I was 16. Hormonal, a smart ass, thought I knew more than I actually did. Not that much of those things have changed but I learned a couple lessons along the way.

So, 16 year old Matt-Dave, here's a couple things I wish you knew.

1. Heartbreak doesn't last forever

When you're young and having some of your first relationships, the fallout can be devastating. And that can make you do crazy things.

There's nothing quite like your first heartbreak.

Luckily, it doesn't last forever! And each time it gets a little easier. You might end up kind of jaded but that doesn't last either, so just take time to process your emotions and then move on when you feel ready.

2. Keep an open mind

It's fine to tie your identity to something but remember that you don't have to exclude things to be a fan of something else. It's okay to let other things in.

3. Your body is beautiful, as is

Everyone has image problems at some point, and I was no exception. I always felt a little too short or that I had a little too much tum or that I didn't have enough muscle. Nowadays I can drown out that noise but then? It was an issue.

4. Enjoy sleep while you can

Because adult you cannot stick to a sleeping pattern no matter how hard he tries

5. Enjoy being sixteen

You always take your youth for granted. Pretty soon 16 will be as far away as 30 and that's a scary thought. So just enjoy being 16, because you won't be forever.

6. Take your passions more seriously

I wish I had more of a music education, and I wish I was much more proficient at coding. But hey, hindsight is 20/20. I just genuinely wish that at 16, I'd put more hours into those things. So, 16 year old me, take your passions more seriously. You'll wish you had in just a couple years.

7. Explore your sexuality sooner, but still be cautious

It took me time to realize my sexuality, and to then come out. To be fair, I was still struggling with issues of faith and identity but I wish it didn't take me so long. Maybe if I'd internalized less homophobia I would have gotten over it all sooner, but oh well. So accept that it's okay to have those thoughts you're having. Being a little gay is okay.

But watch out, because there are people who want to hurt you over it. That's just the reality of life.

8. Write more

Because you'll wish you had. Trust me. Especially with those failed NaNoWriMo attempts.

9. Don't beat yourself up too much.

I'm my own harshest critic, trust me, if anyone treated my friends the way I treat me I would have decked that person in the face. But hey, recognizing your own toxic behaviour is the first step. Don't be too hard on yourself, Matty. Everything will be okay.

10. Don't try grow up so fast

It's okay to just be a kid. Life will happen at it's own pace, so just enjoy the present and act your age a little.

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The Beginning: A New 30 Day Challenge

My best year was the first one in which I wrote a post a day and managed to get in 31 posts for the year, which was 2015. Ever since I've been trying to outdo 31 but I've never really found the motivation or time or energy.

But no more excuses!

This year, I'm doing another 30 Day Blog Challenge!

Some of the posts are more generic, others I've chosen specifically for me. Only I have the list I'm using so each day will be a surprise. I might not be able to do one a day, but if I miss I promise to make it up. The most important thing is that I finish 30 posts, and that I hopefully write them before June 5th 2018.

A word of warning, they're probably not going to be as review-like or essay based. But, here we go, a new chapter, let's start a new 30 day Blogging Challenge!

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Pink Diamond is NOT the villain of Steven Universe.

Okay, okay, so this contains spoilers from s05e18, A Single Pale Rose that will basically reshape how you view the entirety of the show. And I mean, major spoilers, go catch up before you lose your innocence like the rest of us.

So, A Single Pale Rose happened and the entire fanbase is on fire. Some hate it, some love it, but you can't deny that the reveal that Rose Quartz is actually Pink Diamond wasn't a heavy, thought provoking, show-changing reveal.

But the conclusion that Pink Diamond is the villain of the story is frankly just... Wrong.

I get it, Rose is, at least indirectly, responsible for a lot of death. Her decision to fake her death and start a rebellion against Homeworld would inevitably lead to conflict, but Rose did her best under the circumstances. Here's a couple things to keep in mind;

1.) The Diamonds are... Well, genocidal.

Earth wasn't the first colony the Diamonds established and Kindergartens leave planets uninhabitable. If that wasn't bad enough, after Rose and The Crystal Gems won, the Diamonds used their combined strength to "end the fighting, once and for all".

They straight up space lasered the Earth.

Let's not even talk about how Homeworld's society is structured to disenfranchise off-colours and that the Diamonds aren't doing a damn thing to intervene.

Also Blue basically promised to murder Ruby for fusing with Sapphire.

2.) Pink wasn't asking for something trivial; She was asking the Diamonds to spare all life on Earth

A lot of people seem to glance over the fact that Pink wasn't just rebelling for the sake of rebelling. Yes, she was somewhat selfish, and yes, Rose has been known to "do what she wants".

But Rose is also known as a benevolent leader, and in all the stories about her, the one common thread is that she cared deeply for earth and the life on it. It's a belief she instilled into all of her followers.

Hell, it's in the theme song. "I will fight for the place where I'm free to exist together and live as me. I will fight for the place I was made in, the Earth is everything that I've ever know."

3.) While most of Rose's established backstory is now murky, her exploits during the war, especially the ones that The Crystal Gems bore witness to, remain unchanged.

Rose is still the leader of The Crystal Gems. She still fought to protect Earth during and long after the war. She still strove to protect the earth from corrupted gems and she took in any and all, even an Amethyst that came out a little shorter than the others.

But if you need more proof, I still love that line from The Answer:

Garnet: "I don't... Upset you...?"
Rose: "Who cares about how I feel?! How you feel is bound to be much more interesting!"

I think those two lines of dialogue say more about Rose than anything else. She still cared, about her planet and about gems being free on it. She cared about all gems. Even the ones that looked a little different, and the unconventional fusions. Rose loved Earth. And she loved humans.

She even loved one lion so much that she made sure it lived long after she was gone.

4.) She also cared about Steven, even though she knew she'd never meet him

Having a child is... Not an easy thing. Having a child and knowing the his or her birth will be the end of you?

That must be nightmarish.

Rose's love for Steven transcends time. You feel it throughout the story, and when Steven hears his mom's voice for the first time, I remember crying with him. It is real.

Giving birth to Steven may have been the most selfless thing Rose could have done. She's a powerful, immortal being of a high-ranking family and also the leader of a rebellion against a fascist regime. Giving all that up to bring a new life into the world is a heavy personal price to pay. She's leaving her friends and family, and the man she loved.

Rose... Gave up her own life for Steven.





That's just how it is.




It's weird for me to think that people want to try put things into terms as simple as one person being the villain and the cause of all the problems ever. Put an inexperienced child in a seat of power and ask her to take all the resources of a planet at the cost of the lives living there, only for her to find out that she actually can't kill anyone there because of her love for that planet? That makes for some moral grey areas.

Then ask yourself why we're not chastising Blue and Yellow more for trying to force that child to end all those lives for the sake of expanding their empire.

Rose isn't the villain. She was a kid, in over her head that did the best that she could. She won fair and square, and even did her best to make sure she didn't cause any casualties.

Then her sisters murdered everyone anyway.

Imagine being called the villain after all that.

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