Day 17: A Confession Of My Choice

This was a hard one to decide on. Spilling your guts on the internet isn't always the best idea and I've overshared once or twice on this blog before. Everyone has secrets and although I doubt I have anything truly headline worthy, I do have stuff I'd rather not be out there for just anyone to read and I know stuff about other people I know they don't want aired. Striking that balance between releasing what's safe to release and creating content worth reading is a tough one, and it's a line that gets more delicate the more posts I put out there.

That said, here's something I don't tell a lot of people;

My first time sleeping with a boy was awful.

He was someone I'd met online and he was nice enough, and cute, but it was just... Bad. It was a bad experience. I wasn't anywhere near prepared to bottom and I feel like I kind of let him do more than I should have. I don't think he was anywhere near prepared to top. Truth be told I didn't really want it to go past hand stuff and when we were done I kinda just wanted him to leave.

I had other, much better experiences with men but this one has always bothered me a little. I think the lines of consent were blurred and it's hard for me to process it to this day. I don't think it's sexual assault as much as it was just two inexperienced boys trying to connect but failing, but that doesn't mean that it couldn't have been.

What I think does matter is that it's been a landmark year for the #MeToo movement and maybe microstories like mine matter. When you're experimenting and young, I think beyond being safe, you need to be safe. Choose your partners carefully. Be conscious of dangers when meeting sexual partners online because even you could be sexually assaulted by someone who looks innocuous from their Grindr picture. So be aware.

Heavier than most things I post but yeah, there's my confession, give me my Hail Mary's, father. I'm bad t outros. Respect the Geneva Conventions.