Film Review: Harry Potter And The Philosopher's Stone

Sometimes you just want to be kid again.

Harry Potter and The Philosopher's Stone is the first of eight Harry Potter films adapted from the book of the same name released in 2001. It's about an orphan boy and his first year at a magic school where he learns to be a wizard, plays a made-up wizard sport and then he handshakes the primary villain into the sequel.

There's a lot to like about the first film. It's really the most magical one, really feeling like you, the viewer, are stepping into a world as Harry serves as kind of an audience surrogate. To this day I still have fantasies of getting my first wand, choosing which owl I'll have, thinking about my Hogwarts House, walking the castle and its rotating staircases.

I think The Philosopher's Stone really does sell that fantasy and make good on that promise.

The film's weakest aspect is its CG, while some effects, such as the talking snake and disappearing glass in the opening scene are really good for the time, any render of a human being makes the eyes sad about having the gift of sight. There are also small hiccups in the plot, such as not learning the name of the eponymous Philosopher until almost 75% of the way into the film and practically in passing, Harry's final confrontation with his professor is entirely underwhelming and the film seems to drag until the very end where it sprints, going as far to reduce Ron's chess game to a montage of statues exploding.

Still, I ended up genuinely having fun with The Philosopher's Stone. I feel like these days we're so surrounded by discourse and discourse and discourse that it's easy to forget that going back to these films can be a good time and that is not helped by the author of the books slowly losing her mind and finding fresh new ways to disappoint her entire audience, from underwhelming sequels to her garbage ideology.

I still like these movies, I'm still going to rewatch my copies from time to time and while it is up to you, dear reader, to decide if you can navigate the complex waters of the ethicacy of their consumption, if this was a world where these films were given out for free and the author of the books never saw a penny, I would heartily recommend giving them a watch.

The rest you'll have to figure out for yourself.

Fuck terfs, by the way.

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Review: The Phantom Menace

Episode 1 of Star Wars is kind of the holy grail of bad Star Wars movies. Between Jar Jar Binks and overly explained Mido-Chlorians, you'd be hard pressed to find anyone disagreeing that it's bad.

So uh, here's a lukewarm defense of it.

I'm not going to say it isn't flawed or that there aren't major problems. Anakin kind of fails upwards, and despite the majority of the plot hinging on Padme she ends up taking a back seat for most of the film. There are 55 separate wipe transitions, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan are clearly the people who matter here but they have to constantly share screen time with unlikeable CGI monstrosities and well... You know. The accents.

There are reasons to dislike this film.

But I was surprised at how much I didn't end up hating it on rewatch. I ended up liking it a lot more than I thought. The stuff that holds up still does. Pod Racing is great, Obi and QG versus Darth Maul is great, in fact any time Obi and QG are on screen together it's a pretty fun ride.

Coming back to anything after a long hiatus is kind of a tough feat and no one really knows what the best way to go about it is. I think The Force Awakens had more success than The Phantom Menace in that regard but it's clear just how many kinks the original trilogy left to iron out, and while The Phantom Menace is definitely not the answer, I do think it was at least a great shot in the arm for the franchise.

It's a little hard to quantify where I'd put it now. It's not a great film but I also don't think it's an unsaveably bad one. A couple edits here and there could easily put The Phantom Menace as one of the best Star Wars films of all time, but personally, the less George Lucas touches Star Wars, the better at this point.

If you haven't seen it, I'd still recommend it, if you haven't seen it in a while, I think you'll be surprised at how much holds up but either way, don't expect it to blow your mind. It's the phantom fucking menace, so, you know.

Prepare for all that entails.

55 wipes, man. Someone needs to bat Lucas's hand from the keyboard.

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