Update; November 2016

Well what a clusterfuck of a year.

So 2015 was pretty well documented when I did my 30 Day Blog Challenge. It was a pretty tough thing to do and honestly some days I just couldn't work up the nerve to plop 20 words on a shitty blog post. That's anxiety and depression for you. I'm actively fighting it and I'd love to tell everyone that it immediately gets better, it doesn't. Sometimes it comes and goes, sometimes it hides in the back of your mind for weeks on end, sometimes it cripples you. Sometimes just the decision to fight it is enough to give you the strength to get out of bed, sometimes you're crying yourself to sleep and there is snot and tears on your pillow. Sometimes you'll accomplish little things, and it'll steal those victories away from you. Sometimes you'll accomplish huge things, and it'll make sure you know no one cares, even if that's the furthest thing from the truth. Sometimes you'll hurt people to protect yourself, and it'll never let you forget it. Sometimes you'll make a mistake and don't worry, that's probably why you're crying. All your faults are magnified and all your best traits are diminished.

But it does get better. Sometimes you'll see someone going through something bad and you can genuinely sympathise. Sometimes you'll sit down and try write your feelings out and then you manage to spit out a pretty  good paragraph. Sometimes the sun comes up and you can appreciate it. Sometimes it rains and you  can open the windows and listen to the sound of condensed water droplets hit the earth and that smell makes the world feel like less of a lonely place. Sometimes you'll be with your best friends and you'll forget all about the awful shit it tries to pull when you're alone. Sometimes you'll have little victories and they don't get stolen from you. Sometimes you have huge ones and they feel great and you boast about them and people congratulate you.

So my life didn't get a whole huge amount better since July 2015. Some incredibly awful stuff happened, but there were some pretty great times too. I'll tell you one thing though, I didn't think it could get worse than 2015, but then 2016 was offended and proved me very wrong. We lost some good people and well... Donald Trump is now POTUS. Fuck me, 2016 is a fucking rollercoaster.

So, it has been just over a year that I've lived in my full truth. As a bisexuwhale. That part of my life has been great. Living on my own in an apartment on South Street has been the best as well. I love this apartment. It's home. It can be a prison, but it can also be my private getaway. It can be four clostraphobic walls, but it can also be the wide expanse of space I can be me in. It's the burn spaghetti smell of the two plate stove, it's the dirty windowsill, it's the sound of Club Tennessee late at night, it's the sirens blaring past on Jan Shoba. I love every bit inch of the place. I also hate it.

Musically, ehh... I haven't done much. My screaming technique has improved a bunch but I haven't recorded anything. I've written some (in my opinion, at least) pretty stellar guitar riffs but yeah. The band did upload four of our songs, I'll link the playlist here. Live from my bedroom, hahaha. Other than that, I never did manage to get around to learning how to play trumpet. I think I've even forgotten the C-Major scale I did learn, hahaha. Maybe next year.

I'm also on the cusp of turning 20. Fuck, that's scary. I don't even know. I don't know what to do with myself.

I did manage to finally finish writing my first novel. It's fucking awful, I rewrote the ending, and hated my rewrite more than the original, but hated the original too much to upload it. I'll link that here. I have I think 20 chapters of the sequel ready but I don't if I'll upload it before properly editing the first novel. I just gave one big push until it was finally published. I did attempt a mini NaNoWriMo and it didn't go well, hahaha. But I've started other writing projects I'll hopefully finish and be able to publish soon, I personally don't care too much whether it's on a shitty website known more for Self Insert One Direction Fanfiction than anything massive in literature.

I've been working on a 2D Mertoidvania Souls-Like game which honestly sound like the most pretentious thing any indie developer could ever fucking say but it's been keeping me busy and I've loved doing it. I really hope to release it before I'm 22. Maybe even get it greenlit on steam. I dunno, it'd just be fantastic to get it playable and out there.

Academically, welp.

I'll leave that right there. I honestly feel like I am not a smart person.

Anyhooligan, So that's what happened in 2016, for the most part, I met new people, dated new people, grew more apart from some friends, grew closer to others, saw some experience heartbreak, experienced a lot of heartbreak of my own, some days were great, some days I was so fucking crippled by my own brain chemistry I couldn't leave bed for a week. I got to work at my favourite gaming convention which was an incredible experience but I had an anxiety attack on the third which was hella unpleasant but other than that, I really loved rAge 2016. Supergirl has become one of my favourite shows, Arrow has continually disappointed me and earned my approval in this rollercoaster where I either really love the show or really hate it. Young Justice was renewed for a third season so there's that (I was only casually freaking out I swear). Lucifer also happens to be fucking great at the moment so yeah. Other than that, exams start soon, I feel about as prepared as a third grader walking into a Sadie Hawkins dance without a date.

Otherwise, I've been meaning to start doing some vlog stuff as well but I've also never gotten round to it because I have wayyy too many pet projects but that's how I get up in the morning and to bed at night. Or up at night and to bed in the morning. Did I mention my sleeping patterns are completely fucked? I mean, Jesus. Fucking. Christ. I either sleep 15 hours or 3 these days. No in between. God.

And I suppose that's the gist of it. But I have decided to plop more things onto this blog and yeah, hopefully folks read it and hopefully people give a shit and are entertained and whatnot. Otherwise, yeah, here's to a better 2017, please. It's so fucking needed. I know friends who are going to graduate next year and hell, I feel like I'm a sneeze away from academic exclusion. But yeah, was nice catching up. I should post more often. I really feel like I don't post often enough.